It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
how drunk are you?
Several
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
