Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
