I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
