If i come over, it means nothing
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
