so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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