just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
