Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
