I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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