You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
