i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
