my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
