Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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