Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
