I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you would pick up someone in the library
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize