it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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