She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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