Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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