when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i drank out of a bidet.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
