respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
