Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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