Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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