you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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