he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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