mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
