Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
