Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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