i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
A bitchslap is in order.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize