I met the friendliest cop last night
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
