Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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