i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
