i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
