What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
