im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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