I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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