Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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