You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
