Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
