I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
