I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
