I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
