we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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