Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
