So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
