Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
