and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
