she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
it glows. i had to have it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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