I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
