At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
