I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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