anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize