I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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