Soap is not a condiment
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize