I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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