i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
