i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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