No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
