plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Found your dick twin last night
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
