he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
