peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
