The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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