Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
