i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
