Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize