If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Randomize
