He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
